R.I.P. Clyde the Goat and Vegetarian Chili

Ranching is just full of life lessons. And it doesn't let you cheat or say - oh I will put that off til tomorrow. Yesterday, I noticed that my male Boer goat, Clyde was not doing so well. Without going into details - he seemed to have trouble with....well there is no other way to say it - with peeing. I decided to  herd him and Bonnie, his sister goat, into a small cattle pen so I could keep a closer eye on him. My neighbor coached me as I walked and pushed them from their pasture towards the corral. All went smoothly and calmly thanks to the elaborate gate system that the REAL Clyde ( the ranch's former owner) had put into place. It's about 103 up here right now so I left them in the pen with the most shade and plenty of water and a little hay. I hightailed it back to the house and defrosted myself from the A/C every couple of hours to ride my ATV down to check on them.  My vet, Jamie, came over this morning and confirmed that his penis was the problem (isn't it always) and there wasn't much that could be done.
So the question was what was the most humane way to euthanize him. Two choices - I am being graphic here but that is the way ranch life is so skip to the recipe at the end if this is too much - either we had to dig a 4 foot hole in the rock hard ground without the benefit of a back hoe attachment on our tractor (we didn't think we would need this so soon) and she would return with the "magic" shot to put him out of his misery - OR- we could shoot him and "bury" him behind the rocks to let his body return to nature - i.e. the coyotes or the bears or the wild pigs or the buzzards... - you get the idea.

Bonnie and Clyde in younger days

So after many phone calls and much agonizing, I asked my neighbor Gary to do the honors. Being an ex cop I guessed that shooting a goat would not be the hardest job he ever had to do. (This also alleviated having to take the body in my pick-up 5 miles to my cattleman's ranch where I could bury him in the hole he could dig with his backhoe. Complicated arrangements.) I got the horses and Bonnie the she-goat out of the corral area and into the goat pasture. My gelding, Johnny B Good, was not very hospitable to Bonnie. Even though it was her pasture he insisted on challenging her to galloping sprints for the length of the pasture. I ended up having all of them side by side in separate pastures to acclimate to being new BFFs.  I really hope they learn to like each other or Bonnie is going to be one lonely goat.

Meanwhile, Gary and my #1 husband were preparing for the dirty deed. I excused myself and went up to the house to call off the vet and tell Will, the cattleman not to dig a goat grave. By the time I got back, Gary was gone and Danny was headed up to the top pasture on the tractor to the rock pile. I flew ahead on the ATV to open gates and offer moral support. After a near mishap (never be on the tractor sideways on a hill, even if it isn't intentional), the goat was deposited in his last resting place.

This was not an easy day however the final question always comes down to - "What's for dinner". I am in need of a little kitchen therapy. My husband certainly deserves something very comforting yet man-ly. After all, what is for dinner on the only day of your whole life that you have to shoot a goat?

Vegetable Chili - adapted from Jane Brody

• 1 cup  chopped onions (red or Vidalia sweet)
• 3 clove garlic, minced
• 2 tsp canola oil
• 1 lb ground soy or soy steak strips (like Lightlife brand)
• 28 oz canned crushed tomatoes
• 2 cans kidney beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 jalapeno pepper, chopped fine
• 1/2 cup red pepper, chopped medium
• 1 cup carrots, sliced in 1/2 inch rounds
• 1 cup celery, chopped medium
• 12 oz broth or dark beer (I use Anchor Steam) or a combination of the two
  
• 3 Tb brown sugar
  
• 3 Tb chili powder
• 1 tbsp cumin
• 1 tbsp dried oregano
  
• 1/8 tsp ground cloves
• 1 ounce dark chocolate

Directions

1. Saute onion and garlic until translucent.
2. Add tomatoes and puree (or if packed in water, add 2-3 Tbsp of tomato paste) and all the seasonings. Heat to bubbling, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes.
4. Add the soy "meat", kidney beans, peppers, carrots, celery, broth/beer and chocolate. Give a good stir. Simmer about 20 minutes longer.

Serve (on rice if you like, I do) top with plain yogurt, chopped cilantro or grated cheddar cheese.
Chips and Guacamole are great on the side. You will be feeling better soon, especially if you have a Tequila and Tonic with a lot of lime while the chili cooks.